Diagnosing And Ending An Addictive Relationship. (Concluding part)

Part 3 of 3: Embracing Independence

1. 
   
   
   Decide upon how you will handle the person if they get in touch in the future. You should limit contact if the person reduces your self-esteem and makes you feel small or unloved.
   • For example, if the person wants to talk on the phone, suggest a date and time, and then go to a supportive friends’ house to take the call.
2. 
   
   
   Expect withdrawal symptoms. In place of euphoria, excitement and infatuation, you may experience fear, self-doubt, loneliness and panic. These are normal parts of breaking a bond that gave you some positive feelings. ^[5]
3. 
   
   
   Don’t substitute drama for closeness. As a relationship breaks down, you may want to engage in melodrama, just to be attached to the person who used to give you a positive rush. Remove yourself from drama to make the break faster and with less pain over time. ^[6]
4. 
   
   
   Write down your obsessive thoughts about the person. Keep a journal with you, so that you can adequately describe fantasies, compulsive feelings and the pain you feel.
5. 
   
   
   Face feelings of loneliness or depression. If you feel chronically depressed, get a counselor or talk to your friends. Feelings of worthlessness cannot be stamped out by relationships; they are just delayed until later.
   • Deal with your own self-esteem issues now, before you start dating again.
6. 
   
   
   Join a support group based on sex or love addiction. You may be able to see how others cope with the endorphins and obsessive behavior associated with love.
7. 
   
   
   Keep hoping. A study by Northwestern University showed that people overestimate how bad they will feel after a break up.^[7] The separation you dread may be easier to get over than you think.