Diagnosing And Ending An Addictive Relationship. (Cont...)

Part 2 of 3: Breaking Attachments

1. 
   
   
   Pay attention to what parts of your relationship are fantasy and what are reality. We have a tendency to keep fantasies about what a person is like in the hopes of improving them. We also may create fantasy narratives about the relationship that we tell other people.
2. 
   
   
   Decide what physical connections you have to that person, such as finances, housing or work projects. Understand that you will need to give yourself extra time to break those connections. Also ask yourself, if your relationship addiction is based on conveniences that you have combined.
   • For example, change your bank account and start receiving paychecks to the new account.
   • Also, consider looking for new places to rent or live on a temporary basis.
   • If you are married or have kids, consider signing up for couple’s and individual therapy sessions. If you want to try to work through the addiction and get into a healthy relationship, it will take hard work and an unbiased third party who can talk you through obsessive and fantasy behaviors.
   • Remove alcohol, drugs, food, sex or other triggers that may be urging you to stay in an addictive situation. ^[2]
3. 
   
   
   Plan activities with positive people in your life. You may need to replace the negative feedback you have been getting in a bad relationship with positive feedback from another source. Renew connections now. 
4. 
   
   
   Set personal goals. If you have been ignoring yourself because of a personal addiction, try picking up a hobby, starting to train for a fitness event or going for a promotion at work. You can find other ways to get positive reinforcement than those you find in a relationship.
5. 
   
   
   Make a list of your independent desires. Start each bullet point with “I want” or “I would like” so that you can start separating personal desires from relationship desires. Focus on you while you break away from an addiction. ^[4]